All you know and love is A LIE!" The undead warlock's face is as wrinkled and spent as an old handbag, while his robes look like a particularly aggressive dwarf has rolled over them several times with his steam armor. The passersby of Orgrimmar try to ignore the grating voice of the Forsaken, who generously dispenses his prophecies of doom among the people in the square in front of the bank. "You are fooooren!"
Beside the sorcerer, an emaciated Imp leaps from one foot to the other, repeating his master in a screeching echo, "Verloooooren! Verloooooren! Verloooooren!" All of Orgrimmar tries convulsively to ignore the spammer; the air practically vibrates with laboriously suppressed aggression.
Fittingly, WoW: Urban Legends - this is how absurd, mysterious and creepy WoW can be.
So it's a day like any other. Next to the Witcher, a massive Orc Hunter stands in a queue that forms in front of the bank every lunchtime. All he really wanted to do was stash his freshly picked herbs in the bank locker, but the bawling of the robed hunter relentlessly grinds at his nerves. Just as he's about to give up and come back later, he hears a croaking litany of conspiracy theories burst forth from the loony: "Sylvanas is a terror lord bent on freeing Medivh from the afterlife! Goblins control the global financial market! The moons are an invention of the ruling blood elf elite to divert our gaze from the crimes of the invisible moon elves! Garrosh has done nothing wrong!"01:26
"HEY!" The Orc fires his dried plants into the red dust of the forecourt, stomping his 200 kilos towards the Warlock like a derailing train. The latter's eyes enlarge to pale saucers and a protesting torrent of babble erupts from him, "Fassmichtnichtanichbinderkönigdermurlocsundgebieteüberdiemachtdertitanen!" His voice fades to a low croak as the Orc wraps his paw around the Forsaken's pencil neck and pulls him to him, snorting with rage.
His voice is low, the words dangerously soft. "Hold. Den. Mouth." The undead's Adam's apple dances up and down as he weighs his urge to communicate against his survival instinct. The urge to communicate wins. "Azeroth is a disc, and Earth Curvature is our perception of the edge of the world!" Snakelike, the sorcerer wriggles out of the giant orc's grip and pulls out a crystal ball over which he dumps a gush of water. "See!"
Water drips from the orb, forming a sad little puddle beneath the Forsaken. "Bullets don't work!" The hunter's gaze is unnerved and incomprehensible in equal measure. "Blood and thunder, how can you believe such a thing? We were on Argus! We have SEEN that Azeroth is a sphere -" "Wrong! We saw the disc from above! Awaken! Throw off the yoke of the ruling elite and free your minds from self-inflicted immaturity!"
A variety of possibilities rumbled around in the Orc's skull. Throw the sorcerer off the city walls or use him as a catapult projectile? But in the end, his reason wins out. He turns on his heel, picks up his herbs again, and stomps off to the nearest tavern, shaking his head. A latte and a small croissant are just the thing to calm him down now. Behind him, the chattering of the prophet slowly fades away, the interlude having allowed him to really talk himself into a frenzy, "Theramore was an inside job!". Mana fire can't melt steel beams! AWAKE!"
Wake up, sleep sheep, Azeroth is a big dark place full of conspiracies and unknown dangers! We've already covered the best urban legends in WoW in one of our articles, but this time we're pulling out the big hat: here we'll present you with the best and biggest conspiracy myths that have been floating around the World of Warcraft community since the dawn of time (or the corresponding expansion) (buy now €14.99 ).
It is important to us that these are true conspiracy myths and not urban legends: Children of Goldshire-style legends are actually in the game and can be investigated as well as visited with your own eyes. Instead, we examine the grandiose, twisted myths that have formed over the years in forums, chats, and players' brains - and argue for them as best we can.
After all, anyone can disprove these things. So put on your aluminum helmet, grab a flashlight, and form a Möbius loop with your thumbs and ring fingers to keep you safe from energy vampires. Have fun! What are energy vampires? Who are you? Why are you asking us so many questions? Do you work for the government of Stormwind? We didn't say anything...
One of the oldest and most popular conspiracies in World of Warcraft came about when Garrosh decided to turn Theramore into a smoking crater with a mana bomb. Shortly thereafter, Jaina Prachtmeer walked through the ashes of her people and something inside her shattered. The formerly pacifist Jaina Prachtmeer, who had always been a source of räson in any confrontation with the Horde, abandoned her efforts at peace and turned into a hateful crusader whose
Jaina is a Terror Lord! The lady began to reveal her true form in public as she called for the destruction of the Horde. Source: buffed
entire purpose in life was the destruction of the Horde. ... or at least that's what you're supposed to believe. The tremendous intensity with which Jaina pursued her crusade seemed a bit odd. She "cleansed" Dalaran of the Horde's blight with uncharacteristic brutality, and seemed downright greedy in the final sequence of Mists of Pandaria when she conspiratorially leaned over to Varian and demanded the Horde's destruction. Where Garrosh pursued his warmongering ambitions, Jaina merely poured fuel on the fire rather than actually seizing the moment or making sustainable decisions.
When Jaina lost "control" of Dalaran in Legion, she ceded the presidency to Khadgar and disappeared never to be seen again. At this point, it was absolutely clear to many players that Jaina was a terror lord, there was no other way to explain her actions! She was responsible for pitting the factions of Azeroth against each other and preparing for the Legion invasion. We would see "Jaina" again later as a raid boss - at which time she would reveal herself and we would be able to save the real Jaina.
Okay, things turned out a little differently...in Battle for Azeroth we even saw Jaina make peace with her family, we saw her childhood and her fears when we freed her from the clutches of the Drust, and in Shadowlands she fights side-by-side with us in the Maw.... But she's still a Dreadlord! We now know that the Dread Lords are not members of the Burning Legion, but agents of death.
This official (!) artwork from Heroes of the Storm proves that Jaina is a Dreadlord! HotS isn't canon? Wake up, sleep sheep! Source: buffed
Revendreth and the in-game book Hostile Infiltration - Foreword confirm our belief that the Nathrezim have spread across the multiverse and have already been the executive force behind the fall of many worlds. In their own language, the Nathrezim call themselves "Thal'kituun" - which translates over sets as "Unseen Guests".
Even the new territory of Korthia is teeming with the servants from Oribos, many of whom are terror lords in disguise in their true form! The Thal'kituun are masters of misdirection and infiltration. Is it so unlikely that everything we saw of Jaina in BfA was an act? She followed us for one reason and one reason only: to monitor us and put the reality-crushing endgame of the Jailer into action.
As Il'gynoth has said before, "The cunning kneel before six masters, but they serve only one." This refers to the Thal'kituun and the six fundamental powers of the cosmos: Light, Void, Death, Life, Order, and Chaos (Fel). Jaina serves Death, which is the only reason she followed us to the Shadowlands. Don't trust her. Best not trust anyone! The real Jaina has been dead for a long time and we will free her soul from Torghast! You are doomed! (Verloooooren! Verloooooren!)
Sargeras is our savior!
The Lord of the Burning Legion did it all just to save the universe from an even greater evil like the Void. In two expansions, Sargeras gets his "Sylvanas" treatment, becomes a hero, and all the Titans become mortals. Sargeras aims for Kalimdor - but the continent is too small in the sequence to be an equator-crossing landmass. Source: buffed
Remember the crazy undead guy from the introduction? He's wrong. Azeroth is not only a sphere, but it also holds secrets and dangers that we can't even guess at yet. We're talking about the dark side of Azeroth, the half of the planet we've never seen before. You think the Azeroth map we know and love is just a flat representation of the entire world, Mercator projection style?
Far from it! Okay, please excuse us while we take off our aluminum helmets for a moment. It's almost a little unfair to call this a conspiracy theory, as there's actually a huge amount of evidence that we've only seen a small part of our MMO planet so far. But since we can't travel around the world to confirm this assumption, the whole thing falls under conspiracies.
That globe in the hunting lodge proves it: We've only explored one side of Azeroth! The globe in Ulduar, however, looks quite different ... Source: buffed
For those who need evidence that there is NO dark side of Azeroth: If you pull up your maps and zoom all the way out, you'll notice that the longitudes and latitudes of the Azeroth and Draenor globes are concavely distorted. This indicates that the map is normally "wrapped" around a sphere, representing all the landmasses that are on Azeroth.
Furthermore, in the Worldwalkers' hunting lodge in Loch Modan, we see a complete globe of Azeroth ... with nothing on the back. This suggests either that our planet has been explored and all we find there is a giant ocean ... or that the globe's creator has no idea what might be hiding there. This brings us directly to the juicy part of our paranoid world tour.
We know that the "Warcraft Chronicles" were published by Blizzard themselves as set lore that very accurately describes the prehistory of our planet. If we now take a look at page 40 of the first Chronicles, we discover something very interesting: The primordial Kalimdor is described as the "main continent" and the "largest continent". So there are indeed other continents on Azeroth!
Even better, at a Blizzcon 2013 lore panel, the famous "Red Shirt Guy" noted that the southern areas of Kalimdor, the Eastern Kingdoms, and Pandaria have tropical to desert climates, while we find colder regions exclusively in the north. This could indicate that we have been exclusively in the northern hemisphere of the planet and have never crossed the equator! The answers of the Lore team were surprisingly reserved ...
From Argus, we realize that there is indeed a barely explored southern hemisphere of Azeroth, apart from a second, cloud-covered sea. Source: buffed
Then came Legion, and with it the chance to view Azeroth from space - and indeed! The two current main continents only occupy the northern part of the planet. We don't see the southern half from Argus, either. Much of the sea between the Veiled Sea west of Kalimdor and the Forbidden Sea east of the Eastern Kingdoms is hidden by clouds, so we really don't know if there are any other small continents on the far side of Azeroth. With the release of Battle for Azeroth, the equator theory received further fodder, as the two continents fit nicely into the "north cold, south jungle" scheme.
Now for the super bonus: In the 2003 Warcraft tabletop roleplaying game, it is written that no one knows what is on the "backside of Azeroth". "Only a handful of ships have ever sailed from Kalimdor, in the opposite direction of the Maelstrom - north, west, and south.
None of them ever returned." Strap on your alu hats! This means that there are terrible dangers on the dark side of Azeroth that we don't even know about yet! There was never a Well of Eternity here, there was no Elune, and there were no dragons interfering. The dark side of Azeroth teems with alien life, mutations, and things that never saw the light of Titan facilities. Beware the far shores, adventurers. Beware the dark side of Azeroth. Oh, and beware of the mole-men who inhabit the inner earth with the lizard-beings. But that's another chapter.
We're all just 10cm tall!
We can fall long distances without breaking our legs and all the swords and shoulder pieces look like giant, baroque park benches - it works because we're all tiny and have ant strength! Wake up!
Did you ever notice that Sylvanas burned Teldrassil to the ground with catapults? Catapults that had practically intercontinental range all at once? Stand on the Dark Coast, look across to Teldrassil, and then show us a catapult that can span that distance. Show us catapults whose projectiles can rain down on Teldrassil from ABOVE, even though lore-wise the tree "touches the sky". Oh, and did you ever notice that Teldrassil is so big that it contained rivers and lakes? That Teldrassil stands in the sea?
Tiny projectiles raining down from above while the tree stands more than monstrously on the sea? An illusion! Teldrassil was an inside job, fools! Source: buffed
The entire tree is wildly overgrown, waterlogged, and so large that even the Satyre's Fel Fire can't harm it. We're not even taking into account wind speed, spray, and humidity; shooting incendiary projectiles at Teldrassil would be the equivalent of flicking matches at a giant oak on a rainy day.
That being said, Druids of the Claw can literally control the wind and summon tornadoes. So how could the "magical projectiles" of Sylvanas span the distance, fly high enough to reach the troposphere, and subsequently burn down a soaking wet giant tree in one night? The answer is simple: not at all.
Think about it: If two dozen catapults with incendiary bombs were enough to burn down a world tree "like a normal forest fire," why wouldn't Sylvanas have ordered a naval offensive or an airship assault from the Warsong Stronghold in Northrend? It's practically a stone's throw away, and there are no Alliance strongholds along the way. So why would she fight a costly land war?
Even better, we've known at least since Legion that there are countless worlds in the Whirling Nether. We've known since Shadowlands that the Shadowlands are not an Azeroth-exclusive afterlife, but are connected to all of reality. The deaths of 60,000 night elves wouldn't even be a drop in the bucket for the dungeon master's anima supplies in that case - so why commit genocide if it would make absolutely no sense lore-wise?
You know that feeling of being stared at by invisible eyes? The impression that you wake up from a bad dream and someone is standing at the foot of your bed at night, even though you don't see anyone there? The tingle in your spine as you walk down a lonely street, turn around, and behind you you see .... nothing? We know who the invisible watchers are that are tearing at your nerves. They said you were insane, but they didn't count on the unseen watchers, the gray eminences: The time of the groundhogs has come and only those who face the truth are able to resist the rodents!
Oh God, don't look - the invisible groundhogs are everywhere and they only show up when disaster is imminent! Aaaaah! Source: buffed You think we're crazy? Then create a Rogue, get the ability Exposure from Kelsey Steel Sparks in the Rogue Order Hall, and head to Rabenholdt in the Foothills of the Hill Country. Use the ability and try to quell your rising terror: There are invisible marmots hiding everywhere in the building! EVERYWHERE! And here's the creepiest part: the rest of Azeroth is teeming with cunning marmots, too. Teldrassil. Stormwind.
The Tavern in the Mist. Whenever a disaster occurs or the great and powerful of history gather in one place, invisible marmots appear there first. Are they the masterminds behind the disasters? We say no: the groundhogs are witnesses who watch tragedies for Elune; archivists of grief and death in whose little black beady eyes the flames dance. The proof is that there is only one way for non-villains to see the groundhogs: Using the "Extradimensional Ghost Detector" that you could get from Mux Manamix in Tanaris before Cataclysm. Coincidence? We hardly think so!
Whatever the explanation for the marmots: We're being watched. So the next time you feel like you're being watched, don't turn towards SI:7, but change locations as quickly as possible. The extra-dimensional groundhogs are here, and they're lusting after human misery!
Dear Truth Seekers, we hope your aluminum helmet is good and tight on your head: Teldrassil was an inside job. There is no other explanation. All right, it's possible that the writers at Blizzard fell into a moment of microsleep while creating the Sylvanas story - but we believe instead that the destruction of Teldrassil happened from within! A few incendiary bombs can't burn down magical trees, so Teldrassil must have been sabotaged by a controlled detonation of zephyrium charges mounted at strategic locations. Let's adjust our alu-hats for a moment - thanks!
When Il'gynoth said "Five keys to open our way. Five torches to light our way." he didn't mean the Pillars of Creation ... ...but the World Trees! We know of Nordrassil, Teldrassil, Vordrassil (the corrupted Andrassil), Shaladrassil, and the unknown tree in the Emerald Nightmare. Five. A quick drum roll, Anduin Wrynn himself ordered the destruction of Teldrassil. The government of Stormwind took advantage of the Horde's childish war efforts, clearing the land route and preparing the World Tree with explosive charges to block the still-jumping Old Gods from entering Azeroth.
The Horde's few catapults were merely a cover-up for Stormwind's genocide of his own Night Elf people to save all of Azeroth from the Void. Sylvanas himself clearly has the tactical understanding of a ten year old kid who drank an entire paint shelf dry, so Anduin was able to demonize the Horde in one go and put his master plan into action.
Why did Sylvanas attack Teldrassil in the first place?
Well, the dungeon master wanted to convince her that she "didn't serve", so he had her destroy a by and large unimportant people to satisfy her pride. "Thanks Sylvie, owe you one, we're building the BEST reality together where everyone is free! Now will you please help me as an equal partner in becoming Super Satan, the Hate God of Oppression? Thank you, here's your new skull armor!"
So the only two who came out of this with a plus were Stormwind's government and the Jailer. Always remember, as much as you do for the continued existence of our planet, you don't have the leverage or ruthlessness of a black ops team with explosives and government support. Beware of black gyrocopters flying over your garrison. Wake up, sleep sheep!
If you're wondering why hair grows out of the ground everywhere in Maldraxxus and we can harvest warts, "Maldraxxus" is the name of a creature that was enslaved and became an un-living realm of death. What happens when the Zone awakens?! Wounds, bones, pus, hair: Maldraxxus is the (in)dead body of a gigantic creature from which the armies of the Shadowlands are built! Source: buffed
Beneath the crust of several planets, an ancient war rages that most players are unaware of.
The scale and violence with which this conflict is being fought makes our petty efforts on Azeroth and in the Shadowlands seem like a benign snowball fight in comparison. So old and so strange is this Primordial battle that it is known to insiders only as "The War." Want to gain insight into the events of The War?
No problem: summon your Blingtron. Besides small gifts and all sorts of trinkets, you'll occasionally receive strange things like "Virus Sample", "Mark of Khor", "Perpetual Motion" and "Spirium", a liquid metal that heats up on contact with solid metal. These fragments indicate a highly advanced mechanical civilization, technologically advanced to the point of overtaking quasi-Titan technology. But it is the decoded messages, more than anything else, that make readers' blood run cold.
In the messages, it is revealed to us that the odd and generous "Blingtron" units are merely to distract us from what is happening below ground; the robots' job is to minimize "Organic Attention" in relation to the Machine War. This conflict takes place underneath all of Azeroth and Draenor, but is concentrated in the "Magnetic Maw" that lies beneath a "Molten Elementium Sea." The earliest clashes occurred when "Unidentified Aggressors [on Draenor] attacked Peacekeeper-011 units."
From intact, to broken, to armored, Blingtron units are part of a superior machine race that is now making its way onto Azeroth! Source: buffed
The leader of the underground machine race known as (0x0001) identified a virus that was spreading through the drone population. This is also why Blingtron units are attacking each other: to destroy infected drones and preserve something known as "The Façade". We are being purposefully kept in the dark by the machines! A single disarmed mechanical escort unit was equipped with a Tarner 54 later in the war, allowing them to infiltrate enemy forces.
The leader of the mechanical adversaries was identified with a 73.4 percent probability as "iR-T0", an enemy entity of "Monstrous Size". With BfA, the Machine War entered its second phase: (0x0001) was captured by enemy spies and is now considered infected. His successor (0x0002) found that iR-T0 had established a beachhead on Azeroth and attacked the underground facilities Omicron and Iota.
Now you know why the Blingtron units react very coldly and slightly annoyed every time you call them to you - they have to keep up "The Facade" towards you, but in doing so you pull them away from a war that could decide the fate of the known planets. All of this is easily gleaned from the game so far. No conspiracy needed.
Do you have your aluminium helmet ready? Good, then we're ready to go: The mechanical race and entity known as iR-T0 were the true rulers of Draenor - and now they're on Azeroth to continue their campaign here! The savage world has no Well of Eternity, and only one Titan ever made an appearance there: Aggramar the Avenger. When the Titan animated a mountain and named it Grond, he sent it to war against the Spore Hills and the vegetable swarm consciousness of the Evergreens. Know this: In the beginning, there were no elementals on Draenor as we know them on Azeroth.
It wasn't until the death of Grond that massive amounts of the fifth element, "spirit," trapped in the earth's soil, were released, animating the elements of fire, water, earth, and air in a form that later manifested in the Furies of today. But what if the release of "spirit" had further consequences? What if a combination of all the elements gave rise to a kind of "super elemental," as later crystallized into a mathematically perfect form: a race of machines that thrived for eons beneath Draenor's surface, creating a technology untouched by the Titans that, free from the wars of the surface, produced wonders like the perpetual motion machine and the Spirium?01:00
This would make both the Blingtrons stationed on Azeroth and their subterranean lords, as well as the giant creature iR-T0, alien invaders! Alien things are eating their way through the world beneath our feet. Machines that follow no known technology, distracting us with shiny trinkets as they burrow through the flesh of the sleeping Titan.
And we know, in all likelihood, their destination. Think about it: According to the decoded messages, the machines suffered losses of 64 percent of their entire population. How could they quickly and effectively produce new soldiers for their fight against iR-T0 while ensuring dominance over Azeroth?
That's right, the Maker Machine and the Will Forge in Northrend! The entire Storm Peaks represent a colossal mechanism designed not only to imprison Yogg-Saron, but to create mechanical life at the same time. The Iron Vrykul, Iron Dwarves, and Mechagnomes were all brought to life in the Will Forge. What could be more natural than to secure Azeroth's "ignition keys" and their petri dishes for iron life in one brilliant stroke?
Do not turn your gaze heavenward. Do not turn it to the afterlife. Instead, look to the ground beneath your feet and tremble at the inhuman things that writhe, die, and war within. The subterraneans are here. And they are actively trying to lead you astray.
There is a creature that accompanies you in all your steps. A creature that has forced its way into your life in such a subversive way that it is practically impossible to imagine life without it. A bird that overlooks all of Azeroth, alternate dimensions, and the afterlife in its omnipresence. We are talking about none other than the little cuddly owl Pepe. Or should we say the prophet Medivh!
It's Medivh! Make yourself known! Don't be fooled, the little bird Pepe is actually the legendary prophet in disguise. Source: buffed
No, don't run away! Think about this: Is it a coincidence that Medivh is known for turning into birds? Is it a coincidence that Medivh is known for instigating major events by visiting the heroes of Azeroth? Is it a coincidence that we stumbled upon Pepe on Draenor of all places; the world irretrievably linked to the Prophet's deeds and fate?
We say NO! Medivh has been with us and watching us ever since we started messing around with alternate realities. No one knows what the sinister bird's goals are, but we are certain: Pepe is not who he appears to be. Beware the tinkling of cute little owl eyes. Fear the fluffy forerunner of oblivion - Pepe is an ancient, half-living prophet with a sinister core. He's also an insanely cuddly little downy sweetheart who flutters away. Don't tell the prophet, though.
Sinister machinations, ancient cabals - the WoW universe is full of things that also want evil. And most importantly, the developers are in cahoots with the invaders! Oh horror! When the Mole People team up with the Stormwind government to confiscate your gold reserves, you'll remember us! We're not sure if we used enough exclamation points in this article, but we gave it our all!!! Anyway, we hope you enjoy browsing through our little Azeroth conspiracy best-of.
Oh, and by the way ... One of the conspiracy theories has nothing to do with the community theories; we made it up. But only one. Can you tell which one? Did we even make one up, or is this another attempt to mislead you guys? Haha, very good, slowly your eyes are opening! Tighten your aluminum helmets and wake up, citizens of Azeroth! Wake up and smell the zephyrium!Support buffed - it'll only take a minute. Thank you!
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